October 2005
Pleased to meet me – When you don't know who you are, even sitting alone in a room is an awkward social occasion. What could I possibly say to myself to break the ice? I ask myself if I'm having fun. I answer: How should
October 2004
Sublethal coterie – Only a few people read this regularly, which is fine with me. What would I do with a larger readership? I'd just feel more like a freak than I already do. A more visible freak, exposed on a scale suff
Days of the week – On Monday words huddle behind my teeth hesitantly, debating whether or not to come out, causing a disastrous chain reaction collision with some other words coming up right behind them. In the end they
Delights of Foster Road – This charming "Express Ride to Hades" casket was marked 50% off on the sidewalk in front of Pacific Casket on Foster Road. Quite a bargain, but I suppose you'd need a Slayer fan to die at just the rig
Gas or sorrow – Let's say you are walking down the street with your friend, and neither of you is saying anything, and he stops mid-stride, looks down and slightly to the side, and then closes his eyes briefly as if
Gay like me – As a homosexual, I am often called upon by friends and strangers to settle matters of taste and aesthetic judgment. Excuse me, someone will call from a porch as I stroll by, but could I trouble you to
Icy hot – I woke up with neck and shoulder pain and the inability to swivel rapidly in response to an outrageous statement uttered behind me or to my extreme right or left. This situation was untenable as I mus
Joie de vivre – My concerns are very contemporary. I live in the world of today. No musty nostalgia for me. I keep up, I take part in mass excitements. I don't churn butter or travel on a horse-drawn carriage. You wi
Lick of fun – The world is full of fun, and everyone wants their share except Noam Chomsky. Fun, the zero-sum game. Sometimes we see other people having the fun that rightfully should have been ours. To feel resent
Muffle – I haven't written in a few days so I'm just going to ramble a bit. It'll be fun, you'll see. I had a friend whose shy little coughs sounded like toast popping in another room. It worried me, I feared
Pile/stack – A quantity of things heaped together, this defines a pile. Say money or rubble. Could be inorganic matter like maybe sand or organic material such as leaves or corpses or crullers. Like things or unli
Volcano porn – The terminology of imminent volcano eruption is among the most luridly erotic of all geological language. I've been squirming for days with all this talk about the awakening giant and hot magma enteri
October 2003
A little Portlandiana – We are in the midst of a spell of unseasonably clear springlike weather, so naturally I've been thinking a lot about rain. I think I've finally got the hang of it, this rain thing. The first winter I
Antipasto – Between bites of bruschetta Pauline said, "Are you given to fits?" The wine was delicious. I rarely drink wine, but I'm always happy when I do. Then I don't again for months. Then I do, and I'm happ
Chatter – It's the first bracingly cold day of winter, for my money. I run a bit warmer than most people, due to the energy-sucking effects of my personality. I absorb all the heat in a room. But today got the
Death kitsch – Near my house there's a sort of memorial that's been erected in honor of a bicyclist who was killed by a truck in that intersection a few years ago. It's in the front corner of someone's yard, right n
Fear of tinkling glasses – I am contemplating a book-length study of peculiar modern social anxieties, Mingled with Dread, featuring such chapters as "Patterphobia: The Sickening Terror of Cocktail Parties, Wedding Receptions,
Fortune cookie of the day – As the old song goes, it's a thin line between love and hate. However, it's an even thinner line between hate and intense dislike.
Go Greyhound – You know that unsettling feeling of waking up from a sound sleep and momentarily being unaware of where you are? When you do experience this, how long does the feeling of disorientation last? Are ther
Harvest – I have not signed my organ donor card. I don't even have an organ donor card. Occasionally a sign on the wall or a PSA will ask, Have you signed your organ donor card? As if we all possess blank organ
Hindsight – It was primarily the series of accidental deaths, more than the wild accusations of "gross negligence", that got me fired from my job as a crossing guard at the School for the Blind.
I am the blinking king – It's cold now, especially downstairs. I basically own downstairs, I'm the king of the ground floor of this house, because the others prefer upstairs. Sam visits me occasionally, but then returns upsta
Message – Pick up, it's me. Come on, it's me. Listen, I know this sounds incredible, but this evening I solved the mystery of existence while snacking. I'm freaking out, I mean I know what it all means, it came
Not in my front yard – In my wanderings around town I'm finding myself passing judgment on people based solely on their front yards. The selection in this neighborhood is especially eclectic, ripe for casually scornful inte
Note to self – Voids are meant to be cackled into. Don't be shy, they're used to it, it's something they, the voids, expect to hear. You will not offend the void, or provoke the void, nor will you somehow incur the
Organic debris – The return to standard time means that my evening walk is in total darkness. I don't like walking around in the dark here. The neighborhood streets are barely lit in some places, and the sidewalks are
Our sweet cesspool – I don't think knowledge is always such a wonderful thing. What do I gain from knowing about the horror of necrotizing fasciitis? Nothing but another nightmarish reason for an antagonistic attitude tow
P – My newest ambitious project is to make some inane comment about every word in the English language. I thought instead of starting at the beginning I'd jump in somewhere in the middle, at random. Today
Peephole – I love Ben Katchor and I'm pretty sure I've been influenced by him. An old strip of his about peepholes makes me think about my own peephole experiences. I try to maintain control of my lurid voyeuris
Portrait – I wonder if it says something damnable about me that I move through my days trying to avoid being noticed or visually scrutinized, shying away from cameras or any kind of observation really, yet I hav
Recently discovered among the papers of Jean Genet – Scrawled on a torn-off piece of brown paper bag, an idea for a film to follow up Un Chant D'Amour, combining Robert Musil's The Confusions of Young Törless with Goethe's The Sorrows of Young Werther i
Selections from the cultural smorgasbord – "Let's do something." The dreaded words. The giddy promise of possibilities, the sturdy dullness of reality. The best moment is when you've just decided that you want to go out, but haven't even consi
Shut up will you – My mind says, "I am a denizen of the fetid bog." Well! That certainly doesn't sound very good. I wonder what else my mind is thinking and not telling me. And what does that even mean? I would prefer
Some evidence – From driving past a number of typical American strip malls, an anthropologist would conclude: that we love the color red above all others that we get our nails done constantly, probably while waitin
The contours of my unease – I have come to terms, more or less, with the upsetting fact that I will never be comfortable, a physically and mentally comfortable person. How can I achieve a state of calmness and quiet repose? I am
The daredevil and Bonnie Franklin – I am certainly not what you'd call an adrenaline junkie. I don't, as the saying goes, live for the high. "Thrillseeker" is not a word that would pop into your head should my name be mentioned. More li
The empty promise of the Adirondack chair – The Adirondack chair is not only a place to sit, it's a statement about life. This is a sturdy wooden chair most often seen on front porches and in backyards. When you visit a bed and breakfast, one o
The little motor that makes you go – Like most people, I am always this close to completely losing whatever meager amount of self-confidence I've somehow managed to acquire. I don't know where some people get such vigorous faith in thems
The making of a homosexual – When I was out for a walk yesterday I saw a cute little boy, he couldn't have been more than 4, riding a downscaled Big Wheel on the sidewalk. Just as I passed, his adult caretaker, who for some reaso
Things with wheels – Sometimes themes assert themselves into your day. Today's theme was "things with wheels." It started in the park, where I observed an older man in a wheelchair being scolded by a scowling, red-faced y
Thoughts on polenta – You know what I enjoy but almost never eat? Polenta. I really like polenta, out of all proportion to its admittedly modest but distinct appeal. No one gets too excited about polenta but many people en
Three things I have every once in a while, then for some reason don't partake of again for years – That Hawaiian bread that comes in round loaves in the orange bag Ripe, juicy plums Friendship
Toilet seat – When you're shopping for a new toilet seat, and you're looking at that wall of toilet seats in the hardware store, you usually see a small selection of "novelty" or unusual toilet seats, like for inst
Too many – Three things there are way too many of: Those little packets of duck sauce that come with Chinese takeout. Every home has a burdensome surplus of these little watery pouches, these condiment blister
Under the covers – When I was a little kid I used to listen to the oldies station on my portable radio under the covers at night when I was supposed to be sleeping. Insomnia kicked in early for me, around age 9 or 10, w
Understanding – It took him years to realize that the difference between a symbiotic relationship and a parasitic one is not, in the last analysis, simply a matter of semantics.
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