I've been talking to the mirror again. This behavior comes and goes. I go through the motions of "catching" my reflection, as if somehow I didn't know it would be there (a mirror in the bathroom?), and then "casually" fall into a conversation (i.e. monologue), like you would with someone (an acquaintance, your uncle's administrative assistant who's really religious, a stranger with a look of sanity and benevolence and the most gorgeous bushy dog) you just happened to run into while out doing some perfectly ordinary errands on a really quite beautiful day, considering all the rain we've been having. While the tone might be similar, the content of these exchanges does not resemble any such conversation, to say the least. Here are some of the things I've said to my reflection recently:

• Deedle-ee, deedle-ee, deedle-dee-doo!
• You've got to do this much at least, come on! Then worry about the rest.
• Whatever your problem is this time please keep it to yourself, I mean it.
• I'm going to totally try. I am. Hey hey, let's see some spirit now! Shwah! There, that's my me! That's the me we like to see.
• Could your face be any more asymmetrical? Because if it could then I think we'd all be really surprised. Seriously, wow. Totally not even, hoo boy. Yikes, whatever.
• Don't do this. Don't. Don't. Don't.