I berate myself, such a tedious script. It's the familiarity of the emotional sequence that's most irksome and tiring, so tiring. Why do we live so long when we're so obviously over ourselves by the time we're 25? Can't I come up with fresh material? If you are not yet 25, I apologize for this news. As an organism, I am inclined to follow certain patterns, bodily and mentally, granted. So when I hold my head in my hands and call myself a pathetic loser or a big fraud (but a fraudulent what?), I can derive comfort and perspective by simply thinking of the caterpillar diligently chewing his leaf. He's standing on a tiny limb. Didn't you love watching the little chunks of green green leaf disappearing, in those nature films from high school science classes? The sound of the projector used to make me so sleepy. The darkened room, the narrator's soothing voice of calm authority (the voice you'd want to hear from a passing megaphone in your neighborhood if violent, possibly dangerous weather was imminent, approaching like bad luck from one of the poorer states, the calming voice directing you to the shelter in the gymnasium of the very school whose science classes you used to fall asleep in), the cool surface of the big black laboratory tables that felt so nice against your bare short-sleeved arms when you put your head down because you were suddenly so incredibly drowsy even though you'd miss your favorite part, where the caterpillar chews on that leaf which is just about the greenest leaf you've ever seen or would ever see for the rest of your life, which would go on and on for decades even though you'd be completely tired of yourself just a few years after graduating. I liked chemistry class the best, out of all the science classes. Not the subject so much as the accoutrements. The safety goggles, the beakers and flasks, the bunsen burners. Pipettes, cuvettes. Fume hoods. I loved the beaker quiz where we were shown silhouettes of the various glassware and had to identify them. Florence flask or Erlenmeyer? Erlenmeyer. I bet they don't do that anymore, what a colossal waste of time that quiz was. Most of all I loved the tutorial on how to use the eyewash station. When we gathered around the eyewash station in our white lab coats and safety goggles I usually had to hang in back so no one would see me shivering with pleasure. I wonder what that was all about.