Last night we discovered another care package from our neighbor, left on the back porch. Wine, beer, assorted cheeses. Gestures like this only serve to reinforce my fear of neighbors, my dislike of the neighborhood idea. This neighbor leaves us these bags of food and drink as a thank-you for not disturbing him at night with the sound of our air conditioner, which makes a loud clanging noise when it cycles on and off. There's something infantilizing about such gestures, as if our continued compliance with his wishes is dependent on these periodic offerings; stuffed with food and tranquilized with booze, we'll be more pliant and accommodating. This is a terrible and childish reaction to a perfectly benign expression of simple neighborliness. I know this, yet still I consume these delicious cheeses and quaff this wine in anger and distrust. What sort of person, I ask myself as I spread more brie on a Carr's and refill my wine glass, what sort of person creeps up in this fashion, leaves a bag of groceries on our darkened back porch and stealthily moves away in the night? It makes me feel that our activities are being monitored, the pattern of our movements tracked and recorded. Will other neighbors reward us with rich desserts if we promise to weed our lawn more conscientiously? Will we find steaming fruit pies on our stoop if we refrain from visually polluting the neighborhood with overt signs of sexual deviancy? You can see how paranoia and immaturity cripple my ability to exist in a community, it's ludicrous and indefensible. As soon as I finish this wine I'm going to give myself a good talking to. Stupid neighbor! Who am I, Anne Frank? We can obtain our own provisions, mister. We'll turn off our air conditioner at night, even on the most intolerable, sweltering evenings, we needn't be bribed with treats like petulant children! I'm so ashamed, I look at everything in the worst possible light, it's tiresome, I'm tiresome. I'd feel unlucky to get stuck with someone like me for a neighbor. I am a perfect example of everything that's gone wrong in society, the breakdown of values, the social contract, all that. This wine isn't very good. Cheap wine! Oh man I am so hammered. Stupid neighbor.