W recently saw some photographs of me and noted with surprise that I was smiling. When people who haven't met me think of me (a rare occurrence, granted) they must envision a scowling and unapproachable person, but the truth is that I am a warm and affable person. Wait, is that true? I can be warm, and I can be affable, sure, and a dog can walk on its hind legs for a few seconds. It's a fact that in both of these smiling photos I was intoxicated, but is that relevant? I don't need alcohol in order to smile, what kind of monster would that make me? I am a warm and affable person, and people who disagree are welcome to go fuck themselves. Wait, that doesn't sound so good. Try this then: I am frequently heard to laugh, I am prone to gales of laughter, I laugh easily and I laugh often. I'm laughing right now in fact. If you hear uproarious laughter anywhere in the Portland metropolitan area it's very likely coming from my house. I am susceptible to mirth you fuckers! Now that in itself is not illuminating because there are all kinds of laughter, you might assume my laughter is derisive or hurtful or mocking, and it sometimes is, but it's sometimes not, it's frequently genial, inclusive laughter, or if it's mocking laughter it's self-mocking, which doesn't count. You can hate yourself all day long and no one will call you a hateful person. Not that I do that, but you could.