Here are a few things I've wanted to do in the last 24 hours:

Console a grieving friend with facial expressions alone, offering comfort while at the same time giving my eyebrows a much-needed workout; Express thoroughly convincing delight at an unexpected and unwelcome but well-intentioned gesture, in other words to go to extraordinary lengths to spare someone's feelings because I'm a great guy, even if the effort causes me to develop nervous twitches and facial tics, and to live off the resulting pleasure of admirably modest heroism for days, a period of nonstop self-congratulation; Engage in spirited recreational sodomy with someone on the morning of his marriage to a woman I despise; Twist my ankle on an exposed root while fleeing rapidly advancing lava beds, to crumple in pain and tell my companions to ignore me and save themselves, and to feel the rush of personal validation and confirmation of their regard when they risk their own lives to carry me to safety.