I've been getting interested in boats lately. I never cared about boats at all until I moved to Portland, now I find myself looking more closely at them. The idea of boating appeals to my disinclination for physical exertion and my affinity for gently rhythmic languor. If you're on a boat, most of the time you've fulfilled your boating-related aspirations simply by being on the boat. Boating is capable of being an extremely passive activity, which I like. If all I have to do to be considered "boating" is to sit in a boat, I'm all for it. I could certainly help out with a little rowing, provided I was given a compelling reason for doing it. Can't we just drift along?

I could enjoy a motorboat, with the understanding that I would only be a passenger. I don't drive a car, why should I drive a boat. I very much like the idea of being aboard a pleasure craft, such tantalizing erotic promise with no payoff whatsoever. That's a scenario I understand all too well. I could do one of those whitewater rafting excursions, the kind advertised in colorful brochures found on display racks in motel lobbies. They always have photos of groups of people in big soft inflated boats that look like children's toys, bouncing over the foamy rapids, every face caught in an expression midway between euphoria and terror. I have that face half the time anyway, so I'd fit right in.

One kind of boat I like is a paddleboat. You rent these and always feel slightly foolish pedaling away from the shore, exposed to the giggling derision of nearby children. Of course they giggle, and why shouldn't they? They have everything, their easy superiority over you in the realm of fun is obvious. You, an adult, an older person, not only possess none of the qualities necessary for a carefree life but you are also now pedaling a ridiculous vehicle which perfectly embodies your haplessness and naked desire to escape the burdens of your oppressive emotional history. Children see this intuitively and react with snickering. Furthermore, the kinds of conversation adults can have in paddleboats are extremely limited. For instance you could never break up with someone in a paddleboat, or discuss the recent death of a loved one. Paddleboats cannot support discourse of a grave or solemn nature, just maintaining your self-respect in one is challenging enough. This impossible struggle for dignity is probably what appeals to me about paddleboats.