Despite what you might have heard, it is absolutely untrue that I used to lipsync to old Nancy Wilson records under the name Fairy Similitude at that notorious Latino drag bar called Esta Noche in the Mission district of San Francisco. Since I have never been inside that establishment let alone performed there (or anywhere else for that matter), it is preposterous to suggest that as part of my so-called "act" I memorized the exact moments of certain songs where the vinyl was scratched and incorporated the resulting skips, lurches, and repeats into my routine, resulting in a grotesque and appalling caricature of the great Ms. Wilson as a palsied epileptic with Tourette's, screaming for Courvoisier beneath a comically askew wig while stumbling ineptly through "You've Got Your Troubles" and "The Greatest Performance of My Life." Honestly I don't know how these ridiculous stories get started.