Some words are commonly misused because people take them to mean the opposite of what they actually mean, words like "restive" and "nonplus" and "democracy."

My official euphemism for you-know-what: "polishing my column for The Journal of Inappropriate Excitements."

Mister Olive Undertones And Bedroom Eyes says, "Your demands are too coarse. You should take more pleasure in ambiguity and its crackling energies." Mister Forearms responds, "Feel the front of my pants to know the firmness of my intentions."

More later, right now I have to go polish my column for The Journal of Inappropriate Excitements.