Gay men solicit each other for sex with such bracing candor, but the language employed in their ads is usually hackneyed and silly all the same. On any given day, thousands and thousands of eager cocksuckers across this throbbing, tumescent nation are inviting "masculine", straight or "straight-acting" strangers ("no fats or fems", especially no fat fems) to "kick back" and enjoy their moist expertise, no reciprocation required (and therefore none offered, naturally). Have I ever kicked back in my entire life, for any reason, sexual or otherwise? I don't think I have. I'm sure I would've remembered kicking back. I think you might need to be wearing cowboy boots to really kick back with the style and masculine bravado such a term suggests. You know who I can see kicking back? Sam Elliott, who played the deep-voiced, bushy-mustached narrator in The Big Lebowski. Think how thrilling it would be to hear him spout some down home homilies in that basso voice and call you "darlin" as you fellate his mammoth erection as he reclines on a threadbare barcalounger. I'm not saying I want to fellate Sam Elliott, but I'm not saying I don't want to.