I got another solicitation to submit work to a humor site. I don't understand such invitations. It isn't like it's some kind of promise, the last time I got one they rejected the piece I sent them. I suppose it's a statement that they like your work in general and hope you'll send them something at least as good, in their estimation, as whatever work of yours they've seen and approved of. Of course you have no idea what they like in you or what they're looking for, so you just guess and do your best. It's a little passive-aggressive by nature, it's like a cordial invitation to be found inadequate. They've seen your work someplace and want something like it for their own project, but then they're likely to dismiss your submission anyway despite their warm overture, which makes you feel like a chump or the victim of a bizarre practical joke. Anyone is free to submit to such publications, but it's you in particular that they want to reject.

I don't know why I send off those things in the first place. I can post whatever I want right here after all. Only about eight people will read it but who cares. I've gotten spoiled by having my own vanity website here, my repository of curdled solipsistic ruminations, no one can prevent me from posting the most awful crap imaginable. Most of the things I've sent to other websites have gotten rejected or completely ignored. You'd think they'd at least have the courtesy to acknowledge submissions, how unprofessional. McSweeney's rejected two of my stories before accepting the third one, but each time the editor, John Warner, sent me an encouraging personal note within two days of my submission, something I really appreciated. Naturally I never submitted anything to McSweeney's again once I got accepted, the only direction to go was down after all. What a coward I am. I treat small achievements and good fortune like cosmic accidents or clerical errors, and resist tempting a cruel and swift corrective once life becomes aware of its mistake.