Here are some things I've said to myself today:

1. Oh come on.
2. Spare me. That might work on other people, but I wasn't born yesterday you know. And don't give me that look.
3. Don't even. What do you take me for?
4. Don't start with that, that doesn't work on me pal. Try selling that nonsense to someone else. Good luck!
5. I can't believe you think that'll work on me. Don't you have any self-respect? I'm embarrassed for both of us.
6. Oh fuck off. I can't be hearing this, there are about one million things I'd rather be doing than listening to this. You make me feel tired, old and tired. Do you understand what I mean when I say tired? Do you?
7. Tell someone who gives a damn. Tell that guy over there, he looks bored.
8. Okay, you might actually have a point there, granted. Let me mull it over.