I am contemplating a book-length study of peculiar modern social anxieties, Mingled with Dread, featuring such chapters as "Patterphobia: The Sickening Terror of Cocktail Parties, Wedding Receptions, and Gala Openings." I have this theory that such fears are on the rise as more people who would normally shun such events are forced into attending them due to the pressure of various misguided business and social obligations. A roomful of computer programmers shifting uneasily from foot to foot, staring into their champagne flutes as if they're inhabited by waving families of sea monkeys, that sort of thing. The sum total of human awkwardness should probably remain fairly constant in a healthy society, don't you think?