I am baked on the premises right here in our own ovens. My flavor is baked right in. I am cooked in my own natural juices. I am crisp and golden brown. I am sure to satisfy your cravings. I am char-broiled. I am moist and delicious. I am just like Mom used to make. I am seared to perfection over open flame. My mouth-watering goodness will remind you of home. I am made from only the finest farm-fresh ingredients using time-honored, traditional methods. I am delivered piping hot right to your door.

I may be a contributing factor to heart disease. I am associated with significantly increased risk of colorectal cancer. I am a hidden source of fat. I contain dangerously high levels of dietary cholesterol. Some studies tentatively suggest that I might impair kidney function. I have been known to have sudden unexpected laxative properties.

Well, nobody's perfect.