I like to go for walks, and every day I take a stroll through Laurelhurst Park. I usually start sneezing right away, as soon as I enter the park, then it runs its course and I'm fine. There are always people jogging in the park. Some run on the paved path, others stick to the narrow dirt track that parallels the path. By some mysterious tradition 90% of the runners go clockwise. The ones that buck the trend are invariably male Adonis types, I guess they like the attention.

I don't mind the joggers, except for the ostentatiously fit ones, the ones who strike me as vain. People shouldn't perspire sexily, there's something uncalled-for about that. The only advantage the casual stroller has over the impossibly fit runner is that the runner looks worn out, panting like a dog and sweating profusely. If the runner actually looks attractive while running it just makes the rest of us feel lazy and unappealing by comparison. I've done a couple circuits around the park and been passed several times by the same person running. I sense that every time they pass me I'm being judged, silently rebuked for merely walking. Even a simple act like taking a walk involves you in this perverse game of oneupmanship, everyone's always taking mental stock, making unflattering comparisons, it's insidious. Just leaving your home makes you a contestant in this ceaseless public sport. One of these days I'd like to see a runner trip and fall in the mud. I'd walk by and look "concerned" and then keep on going. I'd feel they somehow deserved the humiliation, and I'd smile very slightly.