I have no poise. Where is my poise? My lack of poise bothers me. I lurch along. I have no breezy self-assurance, my bearing is vague and unsettled. The world and I do not have an understanding, a fact to which the world is indifferent but which makes me seem out of place, at all times and in all situations. When it's time to gesture goodbye, I often wave awkwardly and sort of grunt. I see people with poise, they speak with their eyebrows. An almost imperceptible eyebrow movement contains shades of meaning, an easy sophistication, and there I am, grunting and waving like a retard who wants a hamburger patty. I hate that moment when you've said goodbye to people, like in their driveway, and the goodbye hugging or handshaking period is over, and then you get in your car and during the seatbelting, mirror-adjusting time you and the evening's hosts are just looking at each other. You can't go back to conversation, goodbyes have been said, you're just staring at each other dumbly, why don't they go back in the house and end the agony? Why? They stand there, getting ready to wave once your car begins to move, they've somehow wordlessly decided that that's what they're going to do, and they have these horrible wooden smiles, these gruesome rictuses, their arms ready to shoot up into byebye waves if only we'd start moving, but the driver is taking for fucking ever, please oh please just get us the fuck out of here this is killing me, go go go! I am Awkward Cringe. I have no poise.