It never fails, one of nature's clever jokes (as with all jokes, timing is everything). Yesterday, the first nice day of spring after weeks of nonstop rain and gloom in Portland, and can I enjoy it? No, because all the goddamn pollinating trees have to enjoy it more, spreading their little progeny around like frat boys from Big 10 schools on spring break. Fucking allergies. I've got my generic Claritin, my box of tissues, and I sit looking wistfully out the window at the other children playing. All last night I suffered, shaking my fist at my idiotic immune system. Hmm, I might've slept more if I'd stopped shaking my fist, but it had to be done.

Look away, I'm hideous! The bags under my rubbed-raw eyes look like little mouse hammocks.