When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer, then later I wanted to be a notorious collector of some kind (historically significant beakers and flasks?), then for a long time I wanted to be a subtly well-groomed man with beautiful luggage who is always admired and mistrusted for his cocksure stride, and the problem lately is that I don't know what I want to be apart from lying down. You should have seen me floundering for a purpose yesterday right after lunch. But tonight I realized I want to be a docent at the Museum of Simultaneity, explaining exhibits to small groups of restless people, exhibits that accurately and thoroughly depict events that are happening somewhere in the world at that exact moment. Maybe next door, maybe in Asia Minor. I'll need a blue blazer. I'll make eye contact with children and treat them like little adults, and to balance this out I'll treat adults with the contempt and hostility I usually reserve for children. The Museum of Simultaneity combines the vividness of unfolding international news coverage with the perspective and historical context on offer in museums and the sheer fun of a low railing or glass enclosure.